Whether it’s a drunken hook-up, or a ‘friend with benefits’, it’s pretty likely that most people will have slept with someone they didn’t have romantic feelings for in their lifetime. And that’s ok! Sex is all about satisfying one’s individual needs – it’s biologically hardwired that way. It’s an instinctual act of self-gratification that can be a powerful bonding experience.
However, sex is not the same as making love. It’s important to know the difference between the two because, as it turns out, loving someone involves more than just a physical relationship.
Making love focuses on the emotional and spiritual connection between partners in addition to the sexual. When you are making love, there is a certain tenderness that is often missing from regular sex. It’s about listening to your partner, knowing (or asking if you don’t) what they like and want, and doing it all together.
If you really love a person, it’s likely that you will want to make them feel good. The best way to do this is through foreplay – touching, cuddling, and kissing. This will build sexual tension and excitement before you even enter the bedroom, preparing you both for the sensual encounter to come. It is also a great way to show them that you care for them outside of the bedroom and to deepen your emotional connection.
It’s not uncommon for people to have internalized scripts about how sex should go or what a man should do in bed with a woman. These scripts can be influenced by a wide range of things, including movies, porn, and stereotypes. If these are influencing your experience in the bedroom, it can be difficult to shift from ‘having sex’ to love-making. The first step to breaking out of this unhelpful pattern is to relax into your body and let go of the ‘shoulds’ messing with your mind.
Finally, take your time in the bedroom. Make sure you are enjoying yourself, but don’t be afraid to try something different every now and then. Try reading erotic stories to your partner, or taking turns reading them to each other. Reading can be very soothing, and the act of talking through the story will help you to connect with each other.
The more you learn the difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’, the closer your relationship will become. It’s not easy to shift out of old habits, but with a little practice, it is possible to make your sex more tender and loving. It all starts by letting go of the sex nirvana that you have been feeding off from the wrong sources and truly connecting with the person you love. Good luck!
