While plenty of men and women can tell tales of wild sexual escapades in their past, many struggle to have great sex that sustains a healthy relationship. This is partly due to an unhelpful script running in their head about what a man or woman should look like and how they should act in bed. Embracing the art of love making can transform the way you and your partner connect in bed, deepening intimacy and strengthening the foundations of your relationship.
So what is the difference between ‘having sex’ and’making love’? There are many similarities between the two – sex is intimate and can be a form of expression, both are gratifying, and both involve physical connection. However, the key difference is that ‘having sex’ can be done with anyone, whereas’making love’ is only possible with someone you care deeply for.
In modern hookup culture, sex often becomes an object to be consumed rather than something that is enjoyed and experienced. This is a shame, because having sex for the sake of it can be fun and satisfying. However, for many people sex can be much more fulfilling and enjoyable when it isn’t just a random activity but a way to express your feelings of romance and bond with the person you care about.
The process of making love can be slow and deliberate, with lots of foreplay, touching, cuddling, kissing, and more before sex. Foreplay can lead to arousal, which is another important aspect of the experience. During the actual sex, couples might hold each other close, talk softly and lovingly, and have eye contact. They might slow down the pace, explore each other’s bodies, and even redefine sex as they go along. The best sex is orgasmic, and the couple almost cease to exist for that moment – they become the ecstatic union of their souls.
Foreplay and slowing down the sex can also take the pressure off of having to orgasm, which isn’t always a good thing in a relationship. It allows you to explore and discover the pleasures of your own body as well as that of your lover. Having a conversation before the sex can help set expectations, and both partners can agree on what is and isn’t acceptable for them.
The most important factor of all is the intention behind the sex: Is it to please the other person and make them feel as good as possible, or is it an expression of your feelings for them? Both are valid and worthy of a happy, lasting relationship, but the latter is more meaningful. It takes a special kind of pair to know how to use sex as a tool for love, and to communicate that in a way that transcends the physical. For those who have mastered it, sex is an almost spiritual experience, and they can enter a state of almost-transcendence that Freud called ‘the little death’, because at that point, you’re not just Jane and Jim or Susan and Bob; you’re lovers.
